FERT....

I don't have pictures this time, but feel a need to write some thoughts down. I have been married 8 years now. Less than 2 of which we have done anything to prevent pregnancy. I have one beautiful, fun, sassy girl of which I am eternally grateful. However, I have always wanted 7 children just like my family and my husbands and both sets of grandparents. I figured it was my lucky number. After a year and a half of trying the first time, I went to the doctor. I went through a very not fun round of tests only to hear that we were both picture perfect. They gave me some clomid to help the process along and that was that. Until I had a kidney stone two months later and stopped taking the medicine. All the testing for the kidney stone stuff revealed I had a cyst. Which I now took care of itself. I finally got pregnant with Celia more than 2 years after I started trying. I was so afraid that it was going to end in a miscarriage that I really tried to tell as little people as possible for a while. Luckily, nothing went wrong. Then after Celia was born, I was slightly tramatized by delivery and wanted to do a half marathon. So we waited and prevented for a little less than a year. I just knew it wouldn't take as long the second time around. I even felt like I was pregnant once.... but no, it has now been more than 3 years. After a year and a half again I went through all the testing. This time going to a fertility specialist. Still nothing showed up as wrong. They once again gave me medicine and all that has come from that is a very cranky Jenny that can't even stand to be around herself.

I can't even begin to tell you how many people have said it will happen when it happens and it is all about the Lord's timing. I know these little tidbits of facts, but they just don't help to ease the pain of never being able to get what you want and having no control over it. I am so happy for all those wonderful ladies that surround me that are blessed with babies, but it is also so challenging to be around that. Most people are working on their 3rd or 4th....

Anyways, after years of this I finally have felt like I have some answer this year. I have read a book Taking Charge of your Fertility. Through following the lovely taking my temp every morning and everything else I found some answer. I have cysts and not every month do I ovulate. I never expected to have a doctor confirm this, but this last month I had an ultrasound done and it was finally comfirmed. I have cysts on both my ovaries...the plan of action is to wait 6 weeks and see if they go away on their own. I have no idea after that. Does finding an answer help? I don't know yet. I am still waiting to find that out.

I am grateful for this experience because of how much I can understand others that have gone through something similar. I know that I will someday open my house to anyone who needs a home, whether it be adoption, fostering, or just taking anyone who needs someone to love them. I wish I was able to afford that or had a more stable home to be able to do this, but I know now is not the right time. So to all my friends who have/are going through this. I feel your pain and love you and know that in the end it will make us stronger....or at least hope.