It was just another Sunday with my husband working and me trying to encourage my two girls to sit in our pew at church and be reverent. All while attempting to get something out of the talks being given by members of my ward. Then it came time for the song in between talks. The song was one that I had heard and sung many times, but this time was very different. This time I felt like the Lord was using it to speak words to me that I needed to hear.
The last month has been a hard one for me emotionally and I have spent a good bit of time upset. At least a handful of good friends moved away this last month. Which I am sure will just be the beginning of the goodbyes I will have to say in my life, since my husband is in the military. Yet, along with the moves I had a few other trials. A few months ago I had surgery for endemetrosis. Before I had the surgery I had no hope that I would get pregnant. Without hope there were very little painful emotions when I did not get pregnant and many of my friends did. Yet surgery restored that hope that I could get pregnant. This last month was my first really good chance of realizing that dream again. Not only did I not get pregnant, but I had a very painful cyst. Add to that friends getting pregnant (No matter how happy I am for them, I am human and still wonder – why not me?). Another nail in the pregnancy coffin is that my youngest is going into pre-school this year and I got pregnant with her when my oldest went into pre-school. The same thing never happens twice right?
Suffice it to say this last month feels like one of many where I feel like I never go through just one emotional struggle at a time, but there are a handful of them that seem determined to drag me down by sheer numbers alone. I am also trying really hard to eat really healthy and truly stick to a budget. All of these things feel incredibly stressful and overwhelming.
Cue the song “Come, Come, Ye Saints” at church. Almost every line of that song spoke to me on Sunday. Spoke peace to my soul and sent me pulling out the hymnal to look at the words over and over again. “No, toil nor labor fear; but with joy wend your way.” I am not facing some huge physically intense labor, but I am facing an emotional toil as I try to deal with so many transitions in my life. Satan works hard on us during times of transition. At least that has been my experience. This last month has been no different. In my head as I sang the song I said, “ok Lord, I will not be afraid and I will find joy in my ever changing life” (wend – go slowly or by an indirect route). I will find my way slowly and in thy manner, not my own.
The song goes on to say “Though hard to you the journey may appear……Tis not so; all is right. Why should we think to earn a great reward if we now shun the fight? “ Here is where the real light bulb feeling came in to place and the Lord truly told me what I needed to know. The journey only appears hard, but it isn’t really. How many times have you seen a child struggle to learn something that is incredibly easy to you? Tying shoes? Riding a bike? Walking? Those experiences and learning lessons are hard for them, but they overcome that hard stuff and do more and more. We are no different, every journey (experience) is hard. Then when we overcome it we may remember it as hard, but there will always be something harder up ahead. Not because we are glutons for punishment, but because we can handle the harder lesson with the Lord’s help.
In the end what really matters is what we are working hard for ; ie eternal life with our Heavenly Father and our families. Is there any price too big, any fight too much for that great reward? Not for me, so give me those boxing gloves and let me get through this match - whether it be emotional, spiritual, physical or all of the above. I will not shun the fight and I hope that you won’t either. We are made of strong stuff, especially when we have the Lord in our corner. He wants to be there and is just waiting for us to ask Him in. When we do, there is nothing and I mean nothing that we can’t overcome.